Emotion, Demotion

Over the years my relationship with my employer, who shall remain nameless for their own protection, has had its ups and downs.  Today, I was informed that I was neither fired nor demoted, but in truth i wish I had been fired because I was as-good-as demoted.  Here's the tale:

I was originally employed in the art department of this company, but quit after about a year and a half.  About a year and a half went by, and I was asked to come back to this company and join the design team building prototype furniture under the guidance of the head designer.  He designed, an exceedingly-talented engineer named Tim engineered, and my friend Glenn and I built the stuff.  It was, for the most part, a good thing.  We built some pretty amazing furniture using some very basic tooling.  Here are some images of the actual furniture that I built (the one at the bottom made it into a national advert).  Glenn and I split the building duties up, but these were units for which I was the primary builder...

>>>>The top image is a bed that literally rolls up into the entertainment center that forms its headboard (it uses a Zoom Bed to accomplish this).  The second photo is a curio of sorts, that is essentially a squashed half cylinder, and is called The Approach Road curio.  It was a real challenge.  The third photo is an Edwardian home office, which I quite like.  Note the iMac, front and center!<<<<

This position was challenging on many levels.  We had to be prepared to try some very different building methods on a deadline, and then be willing to deal with the fact that the designer was going to come into the shop and literally take a chain saw to our beautiful, completed work of furniture art.  I'm not kidding about the chain saw.  I have video footage.

Five years went by, and Glenn soured on his position due to the inadequacies of our boss and the dead-end nature of the position.   He quit.  I, too, was sick of that dead-end job and put in my notice, having taken a position at another local business.  But I was talked into staying with my company.  The bait? I was to be promoted out of tiresome furniture building (I was burned out on building after six years at the design studio) and into the position of "Kitchen and Bath Project Manager".  Sounded good to me, so I informed my intended employer that I wasn't going to be leaving my company after all, and took the K&B PM job.

The intention was for me to spearhead an 'internal' K&B program, taking it from conception to working form.  What I found was that I had agreed to subject myself to an incredibly slow and painful form of torture.  After four months, this program was found to be something of a failure, and apparently I was the one left holding the 'hot potato'.   Actually, I felt pretty good about my work as K&B PM, as I was able to encourage a real and working communication between our main K&B cabinetry vendor/partner and ourselves (something that was in jeopardy at the time of my promotion).  As a result of good team work, we were able to correct a number of poor practices and smooth out the workings of what will probably be the most profitable part of our company.

So it is sad to note that today, October 21, 2008, after serving a mere six months as K&B PM,  I was informed that the kitchen and bath program at my company was "not going to develop any further".  I was told that I would still have a job at my company.

That job?  You are going to love this part: I would go back to assembling prototype furniture.  But instead of returning to the design studio (a separate facility intended to be somewhat inspiring to the design team), I was to set up a shop inside the factory among the furniture assembly personnel (inspiring only to those who wish to find reasons to kill themselves..no offense to our assembly personnel intended!).  For me, this is about as low as I could go.  Our plant manager, who happens to be (in my opinion) a great guy and a talented plant manager, informed me that this was not "a demotion".  Ouch.  If only he hadn't said that.  He might as well have said, "I don't want to demote you, but what else can I do with you?"  The next question is, "How soon until you drop my pay and take me off of salary?"  I would be the only guy in the company to go from a higher position to a lower one without being fired.  Who will have any respect for me, even though I have not officially been demoted?

So I quit this job to take another job doing something that I wanted to do, only to be wooed back into a job which has now been taken from me and replaced with a much, much, MUCH worse version of the job that I originally quit.  I feel cheated.  I feel like the parties responsible will not take responsibility.  I feel like I am being made to pay for the mistakes of my superiors, who will pay nothing at all.

I also feel like this is a huge opportunity to be humbled, and to rejoice in that humility.

Unfortunately, at the moment all I can think about is the sick feeling that I have in my stomach that I may be stuck in a job that I (and I can't emphasize this word enough) HATE.  Pray for me.  Pray for me.  Pray for me.  I must feed my family and I want to do so in a way that I will remain sane.

Seminary seems so far away!